Are phone calls home one of your escalating consequences for discipline infractions? Do you call parents to help ensure their children are compliant in your classroom?
If your answer to either question is 鈥測es,鈥� you鈥檙e not alone. As a new teacher, my calls to parents were about my frustration and futility dealing with their kids鈥� behavior. I had no clue what to do, so I wanted mom or dad to do something. Some parents were dismissive (鈥淢y daughter would never do that; she knows better鈥�) and I, in turn, was defensive (鈥淚 didn鈥檛 just make this up; I saw her do it鈥�).
Other parents were understanding (鈥淚 know what you mean, Mr. Ginsburg, I can鈥檛 control her either鈥�) or reassuring (鈥淵ou won鈥檛 have any more problems after I get through with him鈥�). But the more I reached out to these parents, the less understanding and cooperative they became. What parents, after all, want to hear complaint after complaint about their children?
Most important, no matter how parents responded, my calls home usually had no effect on student behavior. No positive effect, that is, since many students ramped up their misconduct to get back at me for calling their parents, while others (especially those whose parents dismissed my accusations) mocked me. And even when students did stop disrupting class, they weren鈥檛 more engaged in learning. They were quiet and withdrawn, leading me to conclude they were just trying to avoid consequences at home. (Many students told me their parents 鈥渨hooped my butt after you called.鈥�)
So, if calling home is so unproductive--if not counterproductive--should we stop doing it? No, but we should re-think our purpose for doing it. Martin Haberman provides a great model for this in his book, , where he contrasts parent outreach of 鈥渟tar鈥� teachers with that of 鈥渜uitter/failure鈥� teachers:
鈥淲hen asked 鈥淲hat do you want of parents?鈥� stars do not suggest the typical functions: i.e., discipling students who misbehave, helping with homework... Stars see parents and caregivers primarily as resources.鈥�
Haberman then shares four purposes of star teachers鈥� interactions with parents:
- learning as much as possible about students in order to use their interests and talents to engage them and make their learning as relevant as possible;
- encouraging and reinforcing positive behaviors; whenever stars have something good to report about children they inform parents so that children will be encouraged at home as well as in school;
- conveying respect for parents and genuine caring for children at three-way conferences where the teacher listens to and speaks with the parent and child together; and
- involving parents in class activities so that something they know and can do is showcased.
In my case, after a year or two of quitter/failure parent outreach, I shifted the focus from getting students in line to helping them learn. If students were struggling in class--academically and/or behaviorally--I approached parents with concern rather than condemnation. I initiated collaborative troubleshooting that focused on children鈥檚 confidence rather than compliance.
Also, as described in #2 above, I always started with a child鈥檚 positive behavior or admirable qualities. And I didn鈥檛 just call parents of students who were struggling, but also those who were thriving. In fact, I called every student鈥檚 home at least once every five weeks. (As a high school teacher, I had five classes, so I called all parents for one class per week.)
Is it always easy to find something redeeming to say about a child? No, but it鈥檚 essential. Again, parents don鈥檛 just want to hear what鈥檚 wrong with their children. Telling parents what was right about their children helped me earn trust and cooperation--from them and their children alike.
Image provided by GECC, LLC with permission.