How can I help students struggling with anxiety?
A natural reaction is to try to prevent the anxiety, but 迟丑补迟鈥檚 often not the right thing to do. Here鈥檚 something I wrote recently about the topic for as a :
When my son, Kavi, left his math homework at school one day, he came to me in a panic. 鈥淲hat am I going to do?鈥� he asked.
Together, we figured out that he could ask his friend to send a photo of the homework, and he would copy out the problems by hand. Problem solved, right? Wrong. He remained agitated.
Soon, I discovered what really worried him: He was afraid his teacher would see the forgotten homework on his desk at school and be upset with him the next morning. He begged me to email her to relieve his anxiety.
I wanted to help鈥攚hat parent doesn鈥檛 want to make the hurt go away, especially when the solution was as simple as sending an email? And yet that would have been the wrong thing to do.
By the time kids turn 18, over 鈥敵俪蟛钩兮�檚 around 20 million in the United States alone. A parent鈥檚 natural reaction is to try to stop the anxiety. For example, the family of an anxious child who fears flying in airplanes might limit vacations to only drivable locations.
shows that while avoiding anxiety-provoking situations may comfort anxious children in the moment, it prevents them from learning to cope in the long run. A new type of therapy called taught parents a better option: working through anxiety. For example, instead of allowing socially anxious children to stay home, parents gradually exposed them to challenging social situations and provided support. In the study, 87 percent of the children whose parents received the therapy showed less severe anxiety, an outcome as good as if children received therapy themselves.
I never sent that email to Kavi鈥檚 teacher. I tried to talk Kavi through his anxiety, but he still went to bed feeling restless and worried. I did, too. But the next day, he got an A-plus on his homework along with a note: 鈥淲onderful job figuring out how to get your homework done!鈥�
顿辞苍鈥檛 try to protect young people from their anxiety by 鈥渇ixing鈥� the situation for them.
Do let kids sit with their anxieties and support them in coping. If your child has a spat with a friend or is worried about an upcoming test, listen and advise but don鈥檛 intervene. In facing these commonplace but difficult moments, children gain mastery over their anxiety鈥攁nd 迟丑补迟鈥檚 the key to feeling good.
